Three essential tips just prior to making a date

• Ensure that you are properly over your ex before entering the dating arena. A new partner will not “fix” your loneliness, anxiety or body image issues. If you have any doubts, it’s wise to consider embarking on counselling before you begin dating. Your chances of success are heightened if you are confident, happy in yourself and have condensed your baggage into a small backpack or, even better, eliminated it completely. This will prevent both “Agony Aunt” and “Borrow your Shoulder” Syndromes (see below).

• Because you believe in treating others as you would expect to be treated, you wouldn’t dream of misrepresenting yourself with an old photo or a PhotoShopped snap. By posting a recent photo and being honest about your weight, height and other physical characteristics, you will avoid potentially awkward and embarrassing situations. For instance, incurring the other person’s anger, embarrassment or, after sighting you from a safe distance, deciding it’s a “no go” and leaving before meeting you. If you know your photo looks nothing like the real you and you’ve been stood up, chances are your date has been disappointed with the preview, decided not to bother and returned home. (Big Hint: His/her cell phone will be inexplicably turned off when you text/phone to enquire about the delay).
• Guys – for some reason many of you seek younger (or considerably younger) women. Putting your ego and shallowness aside for a moment, not all 50+ year old women look matronly. With the resurgence of diet and exercise and advances in appearance medicine (including botox) many women in their 50s look at least ten years younger – face, body, energy and attitude. While you’re at it, check yourselves out in a full length mirror before stating your age and appearance preferences – and truthfully rate your own physical attractiveness. Ask yourself: Am I punching above my weight? If so, either spruce yourself up big-time or lower your expectations. Newsflash guys: Women are visual creatures too!

Dating Manners

• Although this is common knowledge, it needs to be reemphasised - always meet on neutral ground – never at each other’s houses. Ladies, don’t let him pick you up from home rather, make your own way to the venue and make your own way home. Always have spare cash for a taxi and pre-arrange to phone a friend at a certain time after the date ends. If your friend hasn’t heard from you, ensure that she phones your cell. (Remember to switch cell phone on when date has ended). Give your friend the man’s full name and phone number(s) and his home/work address details (if known). Keep yourself safe at all times, especially if you have dependent children – you owe it to them.
• When you first speak on the phone to arrange the date, smile as you speak – the recipient can hear your smile.
• Not only be on time, but resolve to be 10 minutes earlier than the mutually agreed time. Punctuality shows respect and will earn you another “brownie point”.
• Obviously, look your best. The initial date is essentially an “interview” for you both and first impressions do count. Present yourself as you mean to carry on. If this is to be the first of many dates, don’t “let yourself go” – plenty of time for that when you move in together and you’re both a bit more relaxed and forgiving.
  
  

• If you’re meeting for lunch/dinner, then expect to go Dutch (i.e. each pay your own way). If it’s just a quick coffee then four odd dollars isn’t going to break the bank, now is it?
• Don’t lie! Telling porkies is a no-no. If you smoke, say so on your profile. Your potential dates need to make informed decisions – it’s only fair. Similarly, if you’re seriously overweight or have a medical/psychological condition that would profoundly impact on a committed relationship then be honest and up-front. Save yourself and your date a lot of heartache. Incidentally, deliberate omissions also count as lying.
  

• Most people take a dim view of Platinum Digging. Remember, a man is not a financial plan (nor is a woman, for that matter). There are more honest ways to make money – “dating up” is not one of them.
• Seriously guys, women are generally not interested in your financial portfolio, holiday home, yacht, CEO position, salary and bonus last year. If this is all you’ve got to offer a relationship then you’re bidding against yourself. (Re-read Platinum Digging above and see also “persistent self-reference” down the page a bit).
• Another one for the guys. Don’t expect sex on the first date (unless you’ve both agreed it will happen). Again, it comes down to showing some respect. Don’t insult the lady. And if you think one dinner means you get lucky, then think again. If you believe a woman can be bought for an entrée, mains and dessert, you’re definitely in the wrong country.
• One of the main dating gripes is excessive weight and for some reason, men are less forgiving of women than the other way around. My view however is that this is not being “shallow”; excess weight is as much a health risk as is smoking or heavy drinking. Unless you have an underlying medical condition (i.e. thyroid) that keeps you trapped in the Bullock’s Club, you should be able to lose weight via a supervised diet and exercise regime. Embark on this programme before considering the dating scene. It’s not fair to expect your potential partner to assume a “nurse carer” role in the future when you’re setting yourself up for heart, diabetes and other obesity related problems now. That said, someone who is a little overweight should not be overlooked – a few extra kilos are easily shed with the right motivation.
• If you are normally guilty of persistent self-reference (and believe me, you know who you are), resolve to be quiet and listen to your date. Let him/her lead the conversation; ask him/her about themselves and engage and listen. This is a sign of interest and respect.
• If you really want to impress, do some research about your date’s particular field of interest before the actual meeting. Familiarising yourself with the date’s interests, occupation and/or hobby will only enhance the dating experience.
  
  

• Cell phones and other electronics should be switched off whilst you are on the date. You wouldn’t answer your cell phone in a job interview and this is no different.
• Don’t divulge too much about yourself on a first date – no matter how tempting. If there’s a mutual spark and chemistry, a bit of mystique is always good … something to look forward to on the second and subsequent dates.

• “Agony Aunt” and “Borrow your Shoulder” Syndromes explained. Typically, some men will rave on about how the ex did this or said that or was a “bitch” or took the house and the kids. Effectively, his ex is also on the date with you. Remember, three’s a crowd and this does not make for a successful first impression. Please - see a counsellor before inflicting yourself on your date; she is not being paid to listen to your rants. Women who have not resolved their ex issues and feel unloved and lonely will sometimes burst into tears and the poor man will be forced to assume Cuddly Teddy Bear position…. sympathetic facial expression, hugs, pats on shoulder and verbal reassurances. Eliciting sympathy in this way is slovenly and disrespectful. See a counsellor or get some help? You bet!
• So, this woman didn’t float your boat or this man didn’t blow your frock up and you know you don’t want to see him/her again but he/she is obviously keen. Don’t say “I’ll call you” or “I’ll be in touch” when you have no intention of doing so. Wait until you’ve finished your meal and the date is coming to its natural conclusion, then say something like, “It’s been great to meet you but I don’t think this is going to work out for me. Thanks for meeting with me. All the best.”
• Most people know if their date is interested in them. Your date will maintain eye contact, smile, lean forward when speaking with you and have arms in an open position. In other words, they are actively engaging with you because they’re obviously enjoying your company. Conversely, indicators that your date is disinterested are just the opposite – little eye contact, no smile, leaning back, crossed arms, interruptions, a rushed or hurried demeanour. Tip: Read a book about Body Language before you embark on your date (or Google this).
• No one likes rejection and, if you’ve been honest, upfront and used your best endeavours, always remember not to take it personally. If you’re particularly sensitive or have low self-esteem, you shouldn’t be on the dating circuit anyway. If your date indicates that he/she doesn’t want to take it further, please be gracious, thank them for the date and wish them well. Remember, unless you’re an absolutely rude, arrogant and/or unkempt slob, it’s their loss. Defensive language, swearing or recriminations are all signs of immaturity and make you look shocking! Leave with your dignity intact – you owe that to yourself.
• Lastly, have fun and persevere. Unless you belong to one of those draconian American religious cults, you are only seeking ONE long term/forever partner. It’s a huge world out there! Remember, always be outrageously your true self and, eventually, you’ll meet your match.
  
  © Dating Doris 2011

Senior Personals – something to look forward to in years to come:

FOXY LADY:
Sexy, fashion-conscious, blue-haired beauty, 80s, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, and am looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

SERENITY NOW:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation.
If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

WINNING SMILE:
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and chewy toffees.